Coping Methods

Death isn't an easy topic and it's something you can't really avoid... sadly. We all know someone who passed or away or know a love one who has experienced it. Its the worst thing ever because there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. It feels like a boulder crushing your chest like an anchor sinking you down to the bottom of the ocean as you are running out of breath and you are so hopeless. Its like someone you just saw that you had just been with is gone in an instant like as quick as a flash. Thats is its over but it's not as much as you think it is, or as much as you want it to be over it's not gonna end, the only thing thats gonna end is your visual at life and the way you perceive things. Unfortunately I had this experience with my best friend, Jamie Faith Gruman. She passed away of a brain tumor. All I wanted to do was be alone I locked myself in my room and basically secluded myslef from the rest of the world as long as possible I tried to not face my problems and tried to convince myslef it was a a really bad dream I kept repeated the phrase wake up kelsey wake up but I was already awake and my new reality slowly was setting in. I was mad at god for a long time, which didn't make sense.. I pushed him away blaming him for my loss and kept asking him WHY WHY did you so this to me, I realized that pushing him away would not solve my problems and neither would not facing it. I had to accept the fact she was gone the fact that i was best friendless I would never have my other half back and I eventually did! Don't get me wrong it didn't happen over night, till this day I cry myself to sleep picturing what life would be like now with her by my side but thats all i am ever gonna do is imagine. It was a real damper on some things and not only did It bring me down but it brought me up also up into my faith with god and my trusting and understandings in his beliefs. I made the best out of the worst situation yea it obviously sucked but why hold a grudge I wanted Jamie to be pain free not living on earth suffocating I still talk to her and I love her more than anything the only thing between us now is time.